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Mar. 23rd, 2006 @ 11:44 pm Love Sick
Current Mood: crappycrappy
Oh I feel like crap. I broke up with Zac. And it feels really bad. He's got up one of those away messages that's like "Oh, my girl broke up with me, my life is so sucky". I feel like I am the worst person ever. He called me after... because I ended up breaking up with him on AIM which I KNOW is shitty but he kinda started it... he asked me if I had "feelings" for him and I said I used to... so we had the conversation right then. But he called me and was pretty much telling me my reason for breaking up with him was stupid because at first I just used the lame "I'm not ready" excuse so I began to explain my real reasons which are: 1. Everyone told me it was a terrible idea and I've learned to listen to my friends and family and 2. HE LIES!! I don't believe half the shit he tells me and he egged me on to the point that I had to yell that at him. Then he tried desperately to prove to me that his lies were true... and he basically failed at that. So, it's over. I'm hoping we can be friends but we'll have to see. Well that's all for now. I need to try and sleep it off.
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Mar. 18th, 2006 @ 10:55 pm Can't take it
Current Mood: confusedconfused
One thing I still haven't learned is how to accept rejection. You would think I would be satisfied with what I get and that I would be fine with being alone. But I'm still a brat. I want what I want when I want it. I don't care if he had other plans tonight, he should want to see me before I leave. And somehow it really hurts that he didn't call back. I mean, I really do need to pack and get to bed, but I wanted to just skip all that and go screw around. ...and cheat on my "boyfriend". Sheesh. I don't know what I'm gonna do about that one. I'm kind of a giant idiot. I'm really confused actually. Ugh, I'm gonna go to bed because I can't take this right now.
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Mar. 16th, 2006 @ 04:51 pm Considering
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
We all know that I'm a little crazy from time to time. So this feeling may pass... but for now here's the plan: I want to become a SuicideGirl. (www.suicidegirls.com) I can work out for a few months and apply in the summer when, if I get accepted, I'll be able to get some shoots in. I figure you all know my "stories" and I know you don't necessarily approve of what I've done with my single-ness... or freedom. :) So why not round it out? I've always joked about posing nude, and this is the perfect way for me to do it. This will open up some lucrative opportunities as well. Just the shoots pay good money. And I am flat broke. So there we go. That's the way things are looking right now. So you can leave me comments if you like... definitely check out the site. And help me pick a name because you have to have one to be a SG :)
Names: Isolt, Faye, Solange, Vedette, Destinee, Etienne, Odile, Odette, Rochelle, Royale, Blink, Merlot
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Mar. 15th, 2006 @ 01:06 am Twitterpated
Current Mood: boredbored
Well, break has been interesting until now. Tonight I was really bored... hence the update. Friday I got to sleep all night and day. Saturday I spent with my super cool brother. Sunday I got to spend time with my favorite ex-band geeks... but still geeks none the less. ;) *ahem Rick and Anthony* And yesterday I got to make out. Ahaha! Yeah... I'm kind of a bad girl. I've been thinking a lot about me and Zac and how apparently I'm the only one that thinks this is a good idea. So I guess I'm questioning what's going on with "us"... which is good because it's only been a month so it's not like I've invested a lot into it. Well, I'll be working on that one. Hopefully we'll figure this one out in a couple weeks. I don't have a lot to say tonight so I'll leave you with that... and I promise I'll update more often.
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Feb. 17th, 2006 @ 11:13 am Go on and kiss the girl
Current Mood: deviousdevious
I've learned in college when you don't want to go out is usually the nights you'll have the most fun. Well as of the 14th Zac and I have been "official". I am definitely smitten with him. Unfortunately going to the club now presents a problem... Like Cassie and Deirdre. I am quite convinced that Cassie doesn't like me any more even though I thought we were friends... and she likes Zac a whole lot. This pisses me off more than a little. I knew when I started dating Zac that Cassie had liked him and I was very up front with her and I said "If this is going to be a problem I won't see him because I care more about you than him." Well, it's apparently a problem even though she said it was going to be ok. What a bunch of b/s. And Deirdre? Well, that's his ex-wife. Eew. I don't even want to think about that shit. Anyway, I had to go because this was all cause for concern for me. Well, first, I got quite drunk. More so than I thought. This made for a fabulous night. I didn't care about anything by the time we got to the club. I danced like crazy... like stripper-ish hah! And I should have entered the wet t-shirt contest because this time I would have won... I'm still pissed about that. The girls had small boobs and were not cute. Damn. The best part: I had my first kiss with a girl. haha! I always knew I would kiss Morgan. I think she has a thing for me and she's prolly the only girl I'm cool enough with to do that. And it was really all just because she wanted to show off for this guy... who apparently wanted a threesome with us. Yikes. Anyway... it was a really good night. Apparently Cassie ended up being the mad one because Zac and I were kissing in front of her. Sucks for her, ha! Whatever, I do what I want! ;) So that was my night... and Chris was right, I didn't go to class this morning. Whoops. I hope the rest of the weekend is good! For all y'all too!!
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Jan. 28th, 2006 @ 12:07 am Take your pill, and stop whining
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Rufio
So... I'm really whiny in my blog and I apologize. But really, after the car crash and all the craziness lately, I've been much better. I thought it might ease some souls to know that I am improving. I've been able to spend more time with my soon graduating sis and my lil as well. And hopefully we'll be havin a party tomorrow :) If it works out I'll write again haha.
My other thought of the night is boys. Mmmm... boys... I haven't had much time to worry about it but I do at the moment. I think I'm finally ready for a boyfriend. I'm done with the craziness. Unfortunately it's not that easy to just find a boyfriend. So if you know anyone... I'm taking applications haha. Ok, love ya, byebye.
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Jan. 27th, 2006 @ 09:39 pm Wait... what?
Current Mood: weirdweird
You know what I don't get? Why do people (ie my roommates) who get drunk and high all the time have way better GPAs than mine? I mean, I was pretty sure I was smart. I got a 3.5 my first semester. But now... not so much. I'm really trying hard because as much as I say that I don't care about what my dad says I really, REALLY do. Plus I don't wanna make my mom cry. That's just sad. And just as an FYI... my roommates really are out of control. They got wasted... on a Tuesday... for no reason. Shannon was still drunk the next day... and they'd been that drunk the night before, ON MONDAY. So...what the hell? It's also very possible that I've been smoking weed... so let's pray I don't get into trouble. It's hard for me to stay mad at them tho... cause they just came in and talked to me and it was hilarious. And they're on drugs... and drunk. Oh boy. Well that's all for now.
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Jan. 17th, 2006 @ 06:55 pm I don't know what I need
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
Current Music: Fall Out Boy
Two tickets and a car accident within 6 weeks. My car is crushed and so am I. Everyone says they're sorry... and I thought that was what I wanted to hear but I don't feel better. I just feel... so awful. I never, ever want to drive again. All I wanna know is what did I do? I thought I was back on the right track. What did I do to deserve all this? I don't get it. This is all very stupid.
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Jan. 9th, 2006 @ 07:05 pm I'd rather not have feelings
Current Mood: crappycrappy
I used to not get hurt very easily. Right now my roommates are out in the living room having a good ol' time... and I am not invited. What's the best part? No one else really cares. It's hard to explain to everyone because no matter how far down they've been it seems I don't know anyone who's been in this place before. I can't wait to start therapy again. I desperately need to feel better. I hate everything. Maybe I should have just given in and stayed home.
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Oct. 30th, 2005 @ 10:27 pm Used
Current Mood: discontentdiscontent
Current Music: Cigarette - Yellowcard
Things are getting ugly here in the town of Lubbock. No, I still look hot, (haha) but my behaviour... is questionable. My "number" is up to four after going to Jeff's this afternoon. Strange, because last night I could barely remember his name. Have I really turned into such a whore? Is it because the one person I had feelings for and saw a future with is completely inaccessible to me? I am confused. It gives me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach... but what "it" is I'm unsure of. I would like to blame everyone but myself for how I've been acting. I feel like I'm getting out of control. Really I just don't know. I think I might go back to counseling but I also feel like that's a crutch. I might not always have coverage for that sort of thing and I feel like I need to deal with this stuff by myself. It's just that I don't understand it. I've never been like this before and I suppose that means I'm a different person but I didn't want to be different... at least not this different. I don't like what I'm becoming because it's not becoming. (yeah, I couldn't resist) I'm supposed to be studying right now so I guess I'll try that. More on this after more thinking.
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